Integrity Medical

Please stop, there's enough cake for everybody.

Church Visitors While on vacation, a friend visited a church on Sunday. They settled into a pew near the front of the church. An usher came up to them, tapped on pew and said, "This pew is saved." Her husband looked up, smiled and replied, "So are we!"

The Mixed Blessing The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!"

Left Behind A tour bus driver accidentally left a passenger behind after they had stopped for lunch. Wanting to apologize, the driver called the passenger on the phone. "I don't blame you," the woman told him, "but I'm mad at my husband for not informing you that I wasn't on the bus."

http://cqrcengage.com/peopleforqu//onestep-write-a-letter

At The Drive-Thru I drove through at the bank the other day. When I got to the window the lady said, "Sorry ‘bout your wait." I said, "Me, too, but I just can't find a diet that works for me."

DOG TIRED An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. Then he followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later he went to the door and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and agai...n slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious, I pinned this note to his collar: "I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful, sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?" See more

The Leak Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled, "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!"

As song leader for my church in New Hampshire, I was preparing for Sunday morning. I had planned on playing my guitar, but my electronic tuner was missing. "Maybe I left it in the car," I thought. Heading out to the garage, I passed my husband in the living room, watching TV. "Please pray that I find my tuner," I mentioned out loud and then I asked God to help me find it. As I searched through the car, I didn't find anything in the back seat, but when I reached under the front seat, I pulled out a can of tuna. My husband heard my laughter from all the way in the house and came out to the garage. "Honey," I chuckled, "the Lord sure answered that prayer New England accent and all!"

It's all in how you look at it.

You're Not a Kid Anymore When... You consider coffee one of the more important things in life. You actually enjoy watching the news. The phone rings and you hope it's not for you. ... The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion. People ask what color your hair USED to be. You start singing along with the elevator music. You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday. Your car has four doors. You routinely check the oil in your car. You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style TWICE. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 7 AM is your idea of "sleeping in." You write "thank you" notes without being told. See more

After getting a physical from my doctor, I asked, "Well Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor looked at me and said, "That's what puzzles me."