Atlanta Family Therapy

Turning towards your partner's bids says a lot more to them than you may think, and how often you do so can determine the health of your relationship as well. ...In fact, happy couples turn towards their partners approximately 20 times more than couples in distress during everyday, non-conflict discussions. According to research conducting in our Love Lab, newlyweds who were still married six years after their wedding had turned towards each other 86% of the time. Those who were divorced six years later, however, had only turned towards each other 33% of the time. Want to assess the current state of your relationship? Take our Love Quiz: http://bit.ly/2WrtHOc

Empathy is generally understood as the capacity to identify and understand someone else’s emotions and experiences. Dr. John Gottman describes empathy as mirror...ing a partner’s feelings in a way that lets them know that their feelings are understood and shared. When you truly listen to understand, then you're able to approach your partner's needs in a compassionate and empathetic way. In conversation with your partner, this may require you to lean into your partner’s pain, frustration, or sadness before you offer advice or try to help. One of the keys to maintaining intimacy in difficult conversations is to express compassion and empathy when your partner is upset. As described in Dr. John Gottman's book What Makes Love Last?, this is a powerful opportunity to build intimacy in your relationship. Asking the right questions and empathizing are skills that can dramatically increase intimacy and improve connection in any relationship. Use the Expressing Empathy and Great Listening Card Decks to more deeply know and support your partner. Shop: https://bit.ly/37ObmAf

Children who cannot look to their parents for true understanding and support feel more vulnerable and out of control in moments when their difficult emotions ar...e invalidated or pacified. Picture this: you and your child are at the park for some fun playtime. As your child climbs to the top of the slide, they yell out, "I can't do it! I'm scared to go down!" If you get visibly impatient or ridicule them out of annoyance, the lessons that they will learn are that their emotions are unreasonable, shouldn’t be shown to anyone, and are fundamentally undesirable or problematic. Now imagine saying, I used to be afraid of slides too. This one is really big, huh? Do you want to slide down it with me or do you want to try something else? When you help them work through their emotional state, you show your child that their feelings are important and deserving of compassion and empathy. In doing this, you also help them to gain a greater understanding of their feelings and the awareness that they can deal with them. Read how to use Emotion Coaching and empathy in your conversations with your child, and see the differences it makes in difficult moments: http://bit.ly/3gUeJJT

How can you be more intentional in the ways you connect as a family? Dr. John Gottman found in his research that once couples become parents, the happiest coup...les have a shared sense of meaning about their lives and understand that it takes intention to build deep connections within the family. The intentional choices you make to connect as a family can start small, help you to foster creativity, and encourage "me time." Yes, you heard us correctly. Even making intentional space for your needs and self-care can help you return to your family more loving and present. After all, helping your child to manage their emotions requires you to learn how to manage yours first individually and as a couple. Explore new family routines that work well and make them habits. You may find that small things often will lead to big moments filled with shared meaning. Read how to create shared meaning with intention as a family: https://bit.ly/3mHCRSh

Speaking our feelings and fears requires a willingness to be vulnerable. Despite what some people say, there is no such thing as constructive criticism. Even i...n healthy relationships with high levels of trust and intimacy, expressing needs in a negative way can trigger a person to become defensive and protect themselves from an attack, blocking the resolution of a conflict. If your end-goal is to feel more heard and understood by your partner, you'll need to focus on setting the criticism aside to bring vulnerability into the conversation and express your positive needs. Doing this for your partner is the equivalent of creating an instructional guide to winning and keeping your heart. Read how to transform criticism into wishes: https://bit.ly/3qqZ4pZ

Making the shift from dismissive to empathetic phrases helps the speaker to feel heard and supported.

Long-term vitality and connection throughout the course of your relationship is maintained through moments of intentional friendship. Think about the honeymoon... phase of your relationshipthat time when everything about your partner seemed fascinating, passionate, and exciting. Fast forward a year or two into your relationship. No doubt there are moments that still draw you to your partner, but you notice that flame is a little less vibrant and it seems like more of a chore to make time to be together. This is when the intentional work of maintaining your friendship is most important. Couples in long-term relationships must learn to intentionally take the time to tune in, actively listen to, and respond to each other in ways that leave them acknowledged and heard. Strengthen the friendship between you and your partner when you take the 30 Days to a Better Relationship challenge: https://bit.ly/3hba0TD

Although we can’t eliminate all the pain life presents our friends and loved ones, we can offer one another immeasurable support in difficult times simply by l...istening in authentic, empathetic ways. - Dr. John Gottman When we give our loved ones time and attention by listening to their detailed thoughts and feelings, we make them feel valued and appreciated. Learn how to strengthen your listening skills and be more present in your relationship when you take the Art and Science of Love Online. Use code 25ASL2020 to get 25% off: http://bit.ly/2x6jfC7

Every loving actionturning towards bids, checking in with each other, sharing a dream for the futureacts as a deposit to your relationship's Emotional Bank ...Account. So what can you do when prolonged periods of stress, conflict, or anxiety have you feeling overdrawn? What can you do if you don’t feel like you have that cushion of kindness to fall back on? Take a deeper look at the three things you can do to get your balance back on track and start making deposits to your Emotional Bank Account together when you take The Art and Science of Love Online. Get 25% off with code 25ASL2020: http://bit.ly/2x6jfC7

Treat each other with generosity by assuming positive intent. Learn how to shift towards the positive perspective in your relationship when you take The Art and Science of Love Online. Get 25% off with code 25ASL2020: http://bit.ly/2x6jfC7

Turning towards your partner's bids is one of the simplest ways to build trust in your relationship. It says, "I'm here for you, I see you, and I am a safe plac...e." Trusting that you and your partner will turn towards one another in emotional moments, as well as in everyday conversation, is truly what good relationships are all about. Try these 15 ideas to turn towards one another or come up with your own. Revisit this list when you both feel like you need to bring more opportunities to connect into your relationship. To discover more ways to turn towards one another through conversation, download the Gottman Card Decks app: http://bit.ly/36utsFz

Dr. John Gottman identified four types of parents in his research that reflect stereotypes we often learn ourselves, or from our peers, as children: The Dismi...ssing Parent, The Disapproving Parent, The Laissez-Faire Parent, and The Emotion Coaching Parent. So, what does The Emotion Coaching Parent do that the other three types don't? The Emotion Coaching Parent seeks to understand the emotional source of their child's behavior. They listen with empathy and validate their child’s feelings. They help their child learn to label their emotions and set limits when they're helping the child to solve problems or deal with upsetting situations appropriately. Learn how to put the steps of Emotion Coaching to work in your relationship with your child. Use the code EC10SOCIAL to receive 10% off your purchase of Emotion Coaching Online: https://bit.ly/3fSRoHO

If your goal is to reach a state of compromise, you will want to identify your needs and limits first. In order to feel understood, respected, and honored, try ...defining your core needs in the area of your problems and the relationship. Don't relinquish anything that you feel is absolutely essential, and identify the areas and ways you're willing to accept influence. Then, you can begin to move towards compromise. In the Art and Science of Love Online, Drs. John and Julie Gottman provide a roadmap to help you and your partner to make headway in the gridlocked problems you may be facing in your relationship. Learn the art of compromise when you and your partner take the Art and Science of Love Online. Get 25% off with code 25ASL2020: http://bit.ly/2x6jfC7

Even in a healthy relationship, mistakes, carelessness, and conflict are inevitable. The right repairs at the right time can make all the difference. Resolve d...isagreements and get your message through by finding common ground, sharing when you feel persuaded, and stating when you need to take a break or when you feel that you're both moving towards a solution. Together, you can get back on track during conflict. Learn how to get back on track during conflict together and use repairs in the Art and Science of Love Online. Get 25% off with code 25ASL2020: http://bit.ly/SmallThingsOften

Under the pressures of the daily grind, overcome by personal challenges and the mounting uncertainties about the future, you may be feeling too tense or fluster...ed to notice opportunities to connect. "Aren't the plants growing nicely?" or "I want to show you my favorite childhood movie!" become a distraction or annoyance. When you miss these bids from your partner, you're essentially turning away from themneglecting the very person who may best be able to help you relieve stress. To help identify and turn towards bids, think about this list of possible meanings or categories your partner's bids might be falling under. Is their chin on your shoulder a bid for affection? Even what seems like a passing comment or question could be an opportunity to connect. Read how you can start paying attention to bids: https://bit.ly/34Nj3oS

We’re each responsible for ensuring that our sexual partners are comfortable with and consenting to what’s happening at every stage of the relationship. Incorpo...rate affirmative consent throughout all the physical intimacy that you and your partner experience together. Read "When Yes' Really Means Yes" on the Gottman Relationship Blog: https://bit.ly/3nvdRya See more

Therapy can help you work through difficulties, make positive changes, and support you in your personal development, no matter how big or small your particular struggles may be. Read about the common misconceptions regarding the treatment of mental health: https://bit.ly/36yDE2C

It’s difficult to be a good parent when you’re struggling with your own emotions. How we talk to kids about emotions has an impact on their social, academic, an...d psychological well being beyond the childhood years. That said, before we can teach kids to regulate their emotions, we must learn to manage our own emotions first. Read about the five things to keep in mind to help you deal with your emotions: https://bit.ly/3cYvZMd

Stonewalling is the last of the Four Horsemen identified by Dr. John Gottman. This happens when one partner is flooding or trying to avoid going there. They wit...hdraw from interaction both verbally and non-verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically. The good news is that there is an antidote: agree to take a break to practice self-soothing. Learn how to spot flooding and keep stonewalling at bay with The Art and Science of Love Online video workshop. Use the code ASL10SOCIAL to receive 10% off: http://bit.ly/2x6jfC7